I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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