i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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