i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
