She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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