You smell like stripper and shame
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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