Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
