hell yes lets make some ravioli
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
