I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
