Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
