we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
