We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize