Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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