Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
