I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
