my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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