She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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