i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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