My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
