Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize