Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
