dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize