So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
