"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
