just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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