omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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