wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
