I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
is this the sara with the beer cane?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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