New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
