Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
