Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
