I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
