Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
