A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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