i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
