I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
