She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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