I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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