the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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