just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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