you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
