If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
