I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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