Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
