my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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