you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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