I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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