my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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