paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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