I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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