you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
