I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You need Xanax blowdarts
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize