Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
