Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
