Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Randomize
