So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I met the friendliest cop last night
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
