forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
