Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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