I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
