i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
