worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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