gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
