Old men and throwing up are my life now.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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