someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
