I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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