do herpes really smell.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
