Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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