I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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