At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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