I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
