Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
