what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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