If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize