TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
