bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
