Already got asked if we're dating
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
