Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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